The 2016 presidential election presented the female half of the U.S. electorate with a unique choice: To vote for the first woman president of the United States, a woman more than qualified to hold the position … or a pile of dog shit named Donald Trump. To my great shock, a full 53% of white women voted for the pile of dog shit. Meanwhile, women of color all over America said, “Mmm hmm. We told you so.”
Now that we’ve all had eleven nightmarish months to process the reasons white women would chose the worst specimen of the XY chromosome to lead their country over a perfectly qualified woman, I think it’s time we explore a few of the possibilities:
The pile of dog shit they voted for reminds them of the pile of dog shit they’re married to
Let’s face it: Donald Trump is a harsh, but fair, representation of many white men. Maybe most white men aren’t quite that stupid or backward or narcissistic or cruel or rich … y’know — all in one sweet package — but a whole lotta white guys out there are probably at least somewhat similar to Trump, in one way or another. And when that’s all you’re familiar with, maybe that seems normal. Who knows? Maybe it even seems good.
He reminds them of the pile of dog shit who raised them: i.e., their daddies
If you are the kind of woman who was raised to believe that “men are the head of the household,” and think that’s not only normal, but preferred, then it’s only natural that you’d delight in having a “father-figure” in the White House. Even if you’re pretty sure your daddy drinks a little too much and tries to skeeve on your cousin Pam at Christmas time. After all, that which is familiar is comfortable.
Their priest/pastor told them to do it
Many white women no doubt had the bejeesus scared out of them by a man of the cloth who told them that if they voted for the female antichrist for president, the sun would explode, America would sink into the ocean and god would sentence their children to burn in hell for all eternity. I mean, how can you really argue against that? Besides, who knows more about the Bible than Donald “Two Corinthians” Trump?
They did it to saaave the baaabiesss!!!
Some women are simply one-issue voters, and for them, that issue is making sure fetuses with no discernible brain function are granted more rights than the full-grown women, with actual bills and lives, who are carrying them.
They did it to keep Obama from taking their guns
USA! USA! USA!
They did it on purpose
Perhaps they read multiple news sources, carefully considered all of the facts, watched the debates and still made the wrong decision. Maybe they did this because Bobby Joe has been out of work for three years and Trump said he’d bring coal back and Bobby Joe just needs to get his lazy ass off the couch and back to work because he refuses to get a job at the Walmarts. Perhaps they are fans of The Apprentice and thought it would be fun for the President of the United States to tell those uppity Chinese they’re “fired.” Maybe they are too young to remember the Cold War and they think Putin is hot. Maybe they do remember the Cold War and they miss the excitement of the daily threat of surprise nuclear annihilation. Maybe they feel threatened by the spicy cuisine from our neighbors to the south and long to return America to the great bologna, Wonder Bread and boxed mac ’n’ cheese days of yesteryear.
Or maybe they did it because it’s easier to help hold up white supremacy, and all the perks that come along with it, than to fight for their own rights, the rights of their daughters and the rights of women they don’t know.
Whatever the reason, the fact is that when faced with a choice between Team Woman or Team White, 53% of white women chose to go with Team White. I suspect the real reason is a fucked-up Waldorf-salad-like mixture of racism and sexism, with a generous sprinkling of conspiracy theory marshmallows held together with a great big glop of self-hating mayonnaise. I wish I could apologize on behalf of all them, but I’m not even gonna try, because that’s just never going to be enough.