Dudes: Your Erection is NOT the Center of the Universe


  • He’s been out of the public eye for 10 months!
  • He lost a movie contract!
  • He didn’t rape anybody!
  • Is he supposed to go away forever and never be able to make money again?
  • He got consent!
  • They went back to his room with him! What did they expect?
  • Why didn’t they just leave?
  • His reputation is ruined!
  • He apologized!

It’s insane. The “he got consent” one was the comment that first set my hair on fire. Picture the scene. You’re a couple of young comics. You do a set and then Louis C.K. asks you to hang out afterward and talk comedy in his room, a thing that comics do ALL THE TIME.

Louis then asks if he can whip it out and whack off in front of you. You assume he’s joking, because … HE’S LOUIS C.K. It’s his job to be funny. Because what normal man who isn’t a total creep fucking does that? What normal dude just jerks off in front of a couple of colleagues?

So you chuckle and say, “Yeah, sure, go for it!” Never thinking in a million years that’s what he’s actually going to do.

But now, technically, he has CONSENT. The golden get-out-of jail free card. So he whips it out and the women freeze because they can’t even believe what’s happening. This well-respected comic, who the women honestly believed wanted to hang out with them, turns out to be a predator. Turns out he didn’t really see them as colleagues at all. He just sees them as meat. Jack-off material.

The message over and over and over again is: We men can’t control how our dicks make us behave, and so it is up to women to forgive us quickly, even though we don’t really apologize, don’t make amends and are rarely punished for our bullshit. Boys will be boys and women really shouldn’t expect better.


I don’t understand why so many men seem to have so much trouble empathizing with women, but if it helps to insert your daughter, your mother, your sister — whichever woman out there means the most to you — into a situation you’re not sure might be sexual assault then by all means, DO THAT. In other words, if you wouldn’t be okay with some random dude cornering your daughter in a room and jacking off in front of her, then it’s sexual assault. If you don’t like the thought of a random man doing that to your mom, or your wife, then don’t YOU do it to another woman, either. It’s just not that difficult.

As to the other excuses men are throwing around today: No, jacking off in front of a woman isn’t rape, but it’s also not NOTHING. It’s SEXUAL ASSAULT. The penalty for assault in New York State is a $1,000 fine and 6 months’ probation. Did Louis pay that penalty? No. He just hid for a while and waited for the shitstorm to blow over. His “apology” was a lame public statement. As far as anyone knows, he’s made no direct restitution to his victims. Him choosing to not work for awhile ISN’T punishment. And seeing as how the crowd at the Comedy Cellar gave him a standing ovation, is his career really over? Is it even damaged? And who the fuck said he could “never work again”? He can go back behind the camera. He can go back to writing. He could produce. He could go wait fucking tables. Where is it written he should get his fame back with no penalties? Who gets to go right back to their same position at their same job after MASTURBATING IN FRONT OF THEIR COWORKERS???

Finally, for the “why didn’t they just leave”? There’s actually RESEARCH out there that explains it. So stop asking that stupid fucking question.

Here’s the thing about women: We are INSANELY FORGIVING. To a FAULT. So stop blaming us for asking for the most basic of respect.

Writer, Kansan, wife, mom, essayist, journalist, reproductive rights activist, Jayhawk, dork. Support me on Patreon! amberfraley. com @KSAbortionFund

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