Dudes: Your Erection is NOT the Center of the Universe

MY GOD. WON’T ANYONE THINK OF THE UN-JIZZED BONERS???

Today it was announced that last night, Louis C.K. did a set last night in New York City at the Comedy Cellar, after hiding out for several months, when it was revealed he’d cornered several female comics in his hotel room and masturbated in front of them. Afterward, Louis’ manager intimidated the women into staying quiet and not reporting Louis’ behavior by threatening their careers. The Twittersphere has been full of dudes all day defending Louis’ behavior and his comeback, with a LITANY of utter nonsense:

• He’s been out of the public eye for 10 months!
• He lost a movie contract!
• He didn’t rape anybody!
• Is he supposed to go away forever and never be able to make money again?
• He got consent!
• They went back to his room with him! What did they expect?
• Why didn’t they just leave?
• His reputation is ruined!
• He apologized!

It’s insane. The “he got consent” one was the comment that first set my hair on fire. Picture the scene. You’re a couple of young comics. You do a set and then Louis C.K. asks you to hang out afterward and talk comedy in his room, a thing that comics do ALL THE TIME.

Louis then asks if he can whip it out and whack off in front of you. You assume he’s joking, because … HE’S LOUIS C.K. It’s his job to be funny. Because what normal man who isn’t a total creep fucking does that? What normal dude just jerks off in front of a couple of colleagues?

So you chuckle and say, “Yeah, sure, go for it!” Never thinking in a million years that’s what he’s actually going to do.

But now, technically, he has CONSENT. The golden get-out-of jail free card. So he whips it out and the women freeze because they can’t even believe what’s happening. This well-respected comic, who the women honestly believed wanted to hang out with them, turns out to be a predator. Turns out he didn’t really see them as colleagues at all. He just sees them as meat. Jack-off material.