Member-only story
I Finally Realized I’m in Mourning
Cutting off contact with narcissistic family members is healing, but the healing process can be painful and slow
About four years ago now — maybe five, I’m not sure — I made the decision to cut off contact with my mentally ill mom. It’s not something I wanted to do, but something that had been on my horizon for years.
The final straw for me was one particular Christmas. My mother loves Christmas like a child, and her expectations surrounding the holiday always caused me stress. I’d spend too much money on her because of her love of gifts. I noticed that though one of her favorite past times seemed to be starting shit with me, every year she’d make sure we were on speaking terms by September or October going into the holiday season so she could send me her wishlist for Christmas. Because our family is so fractured and broken, my mother weasled her way into my husband’s family Christmases so that she could partake of the food and fun. Though I asked her to not give gifts to my husband’s family, she always did, guilting them into also buying presents for her. She’s a master manipulator.
The problem is my mother is openly rude and self-centered, and I felt terrible forcing her on my husband’s family. If she doesn’t care for someone’s gift, she’ll tell them so. She…
