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I Truly Feel Bad for American Men

The masculinity box is suffocating

Amber Fraley
3 min readFeb 6, 2022
Image by Schäferle from Pixabay

In much the same way women are conditioned to pour endless resources into maintaining our looks, American men have been conditioned to believe they can buy the accessories that make them a “real man.” The sports car used to be a big one. Now that’s morphed into the gas-guzzling pickup truck. Pickup trucks used to be for farmers and ranchers and tradesmen. Thanks to incessant advertising during football games (another “real man” favorite pastime), thousands of men in this country are commuting back and forth to their office jobs on highways in giant, inefficient pickup trucks that might be used for their actual purpose — to haul things — a couple of times a year.

Other “real man” accoutrements include things like guns, sportsball team attire and cigars. I am absolutely not making fun of any man who genuinely enjoys these things. There’s nothing wrong with a single one of them. What’s disturbing is the way so many men seem to put them on like costumes or armor — not for enjoyment, but for show. It makes me genuinely sad we really haven’t allowed men to evolve all that much.

The most insidious thing we’ve done to men in this culture is to not allow them to express their feelings, going so far as to shame men for expressing emotions such as vulnerability and sadness. This is so…

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Amber Fraley
Amber Fraley

Written by Amber Fraley

Writing about abortion rights, mental illness, trauma, narcissistic abuse & survival, politics. Journalist, novelist, wife, mom, Kansan, repro rights activist.

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