Kansas Lawmakers Go Full Batshit-Zealotry

Oh, Kansas. I love you. I really do. But some of our lawmakers are … problematic. Just in time for Valentine’s Day, Kansas representatives Randy Garber, Owen Donohoe, David French, Cheryl Helmer, Ron Highland, Steve Huebert and Bill Rhiley have proudly introduced House Bills 2320 and 2321, to try to invalidate gay marriage in Kansas, while making “straight marriage” into something resembling idolatry.

These two bills manage to attack the LGBTQ+ community, secularists, atheists and really anybody who isn’t an evangelical Christian.

I’ve cherry picked a few of the juicier bits, but honestly, both bills read like Christofascist dystopia porn:

HOUSE BILL №2320

AN ACT concerning marriage; enacting the marriage and constitution restoration act.

Ummm … okay.

WHEREAS, Civilizations for millennia have defined marriage as a union between a man and a woman

Sure. That’s true.

WHEREAS, The sworn testimonies of ex-gays, medical experts, persecuted Christians and licensed ministers demonstrate that there is no real proof that a gay gene exists, that the idea that sexual orientation is predicated on immutability is not proven and that sexual orientation is a mythology, dogma, doctrine or orthodoxy that is inseparably linked to the religion of secular humanism;

Wait. Since when are ex-gays, “persecuted Christians” and licensed ministers experts on human genetics? And the “persecuted Christians” bit is just one of a plethora of instances in which these lawmakers attempt to paint themselves as victims of the dreaded gay agenda, which of course includes such horrors as good haircuts and awesome footwear.

WHEREAS, The lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and questioning (LGBTQ) community is organized, full and has a daily code by which members may guide their daily lives, which makes it a denominational sect that is inseparably part of the religion of secular humanism;

Wow. I’ve known my best friend Michael my whole life, but he’s NEVER let me know what his daily gay code is. It’s probably something like: 1) wake up 2) pray to Madonna (the pop star, not the virgin) 3) choose outfit 4) put on designer McQueen sneakers 5)…