No, I don’t hate men (you dumb douchebag)

Amber Fraley
2 min readSep 18, 2018

Every time some guy asks me if I hate men I want to stab him through the eye with a pencil.

This is because they always, ALWAYS ask me this when I’m advocating for equal treatment, and basic respect, of women. Not female supremacy. No forced castration or making you change your last name or forcing you stay home with babies if you don’t want. I don’t know any woman who has any interest in building a society like that. Not one. Single. Woman.

No, dude, what I hate is YOU and that small group of knuckle-dragging Neanderthals out there who make life so difficult for every single woman out there. Because every time you defend or downplay the shitty actions of shitty guys, you’re just making the world that much less safe for your mother, your sister, your daughter and any other woman who’ll bother to grace you with her presence. Every time you shout down a woman who tries to report sexual assault you take away her right to justice. And every time you assist in taking that justice away from some random woman out there you’re taking it away from women you know.

Hate men? Puh-lease. I love men. My favorite writer? Mark Twain. One of my most favorite living standup comics up until really recently? Louis CK. (I own SEVERAL of his comic specials and the first season of his TV show. Sometimes I still listen to his old material. Why? Because it’s GOOD and it makes me LAUGH. That’s why. I don’t know if I’ll be purchasing anything of his in the future. Haven’t made up my mind yet.)

I enjoy music written by men, books written by men, art and architecture created by men. I love my husband, who treats me like a true equal. I love my brother who does the same. I love all my male friends with whom I can joke and laugh and enjoy life and feel safe around and I have several.

But you know what? I do not love guys like you who deny I’m equal and I refuse to treat me as such. And I will no longer waste time debating my humanity with you.

So do I hate men? No, you stupid asshole. I don’t hate men. That’s absurd.

Now go make me a sandwich.

Amber Fraley

Writing about abortion rights, mental illness, trauma, narcissistic abuse & survival, politics. Journalist, novelist, wife, mom, Kansan, repro rights activist.