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Thanks, Covid-19

Spending a year away from my angry, narcissistic parent made me realize I no longer want to see him

Amber Fraley
3 min readDec 7, 2021
Image by Peter Ziegler from Pixabay

Like many families, Covid-19 separated me from my parent — he has heart problems — and during those first months of quarantine, when we were all waiting for vaccinations, it didn’t make sense to put his health at risk. Truthfully, it was a relief to not have to see him. It was a relief to not have to put up with his bullying, his temper tantrums and his unwanted, unhelpful “advice” (i.e. criticism). It was a relief to not have to steel myself for his visits and try to figure out ways to keep him from bullying our daughter. None of us missed seeing him.

Once we were all vaccinated, the thought of going back to “normal” with him was almost unthinkable, and I was consumed with anxiety over it. Then one day, last summer, he dropped by unannounced, only to scream at my husband and me about politics, so my husband asked him to leave. I haven’t spoken to that parent since, either in person or by phone.

You can sort of train yourself to take verbal and emotional abuse from a parent, and some people even come to need that abuse, in enmeshed relationships. However, those of us who tolerate abuse and don’t want it, eventually reach a breaking point. Some people are lucky and have their breaking point early in…

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Amber Fraley
Amber Fraley

Written by Amber Fraley

Writing about abortion rights, mental illness, trauma, narcissistic abuse & survival, politics. Journalist, novelist, wife, mom, Kansan, repro rights activist.

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