Update on Going No Contact With My Parents

Christmas was difficult

Photo by Chad Madden on Unsplash

Christmas Day I thought a lot about my mother. She lives for Christmas. I know she misses seeing her grandchild, and spending Christmas with my husband’s family.

I did not miss spending the day worrying my mother might be rude to one of my husband’s relatives, or make unwanted comments about my body, or throw a hissy fit because someone didn’t fawn over the fussy wrapping on the gifts she gives out.

I felt sad for her, knowing that she was probably sad and lonely, and possibly even alone, because no one wants to be around her anymore. It’s precisely the reason I hung in so long. She’s so unpleasant to be around, she has no more friends and the family has withdrawn contact because of her verbal abuse. I understand now that her mind games and verbal abuse are caused by deep trauma from her abusive, chaotic upbringing.

She raised her kids the way she was raised. She doesn’t know any better, and she seems to believe lashing out with all kinds of false accusations, lies, and wild stories will get the attention she so desperately craves. My dad is the same way. I understand now the basis for their narcissim is really simple immaturity. My parents are mentally stuck somewhere around 3–5 years old. They tell lies, throw tantrums and create havoc when they feel…