What if there’s only so much empathy?

Amber Fraley
5 min readSep 8, 2018
photo credit: Bess Hamiti

It seems that the calls for “understanding” toward trump supporters comes in waves. (Yes, I refuse to capitalize trump’s name. Yes, I get it’s childish and petty. No, I don’t give a shit.) ANYWAY, I’m seeing people kick around the idea, again, that this country won’t ever heal it’s “divide” unless we try to understand each other.

Here’s the thing: What if there is no healing the divide? What if the divide is present in every society, across the board? What if there’s only a never-ending struggle of fighting back the dark, and the dark can never be conquered? What if humanity is forever locked in a Resistance vs. Empire, Dumbledore vs. Voldemort, Frodo vs. Sauron archetype that’s just never going to stop? Because history seems to indicate this is the case.

What if the people who keep advocating “understanding” do so because they can’t even conceive of being any other way? When you are a person with empathy, it’s hard to even imagine being a person without it. When you’re the type of human being who sees suffering, and then your brain turns that into a physical, aching response in your mind and body, it’s hard to conceive that other people don’t feel that way. What if they prefer to not feel that way?

What if some people without empathy don’t want to learn about empathy? Because learning about empathy necessarily means becoming more empathetic. And what if they see that as weakness?

What if there is no healing the divide? What if the divide is present in every society, across the board? What if there’s only a never-ending struggle of fighting back the dark, and the dark can never be conquered?

I’m not saying people can’t change and aren’t able to become more empathetic. Research shows some amount of empathy, at least, can be taught. But what about the people who can’t be taught empathy? Or can only be taught so much?

And what of those people who are uninterested in learning about empathy, period? Being unempathetic undoubtedly gives a person an advantage in society: When you don’t care about others, it’s easy to justify lying, cheating, stealing, greed, rape, murder or just being a shitty person…

Amber Fraley

Writing about abortion rights, mental illness, trauma, narcissistic abuse & survival, politics. Journalist, novelist, wife, mom, Kansan, repro rights activist.