What This Country Needs is More Dick

Man. With all this PC bullshit and “women’s rights” and crap, there were a few years there when it seemed like there was no way for us to get enough dicks shoved into the American public’s collective face.

Thank god that’s changing.

I mean, if people don’t get dicks shoved in their faces on a regular basis, then society gets soft. (Pun intended.)

Women get uppity. Men turn into sissies.

And we can’t have that.

It used to be that a man could pull out his dick anytime, anyplace, swing it around if need be and just remind everybody who was the fucking boss. Am I right? Shit yeah, I am.

I mean, who can even REMEMBER that there are all those dicks are out there, unless they’re being shoved in people’s faces sometimes? Seriously. Thank god we have a president who understands that. Finally! He knows that an American president has to be able to swing his dick or world leaders won’t respect him. That’s why Killary couldn’t be president … DUH. NO DICK. And the Lord Jesus didn’t intend for no Utero-American to run the country. Hell, trump’s got a whole cabinet FULL of dick swingers, and now, for the first time in over 25 years, he’s managed to appoint another dick swinger to the Supreme Court!

Hallelujah! Praise Jesus.

Let’s not forget those pussy soybois want to take away the most glorious penis proxy of all, the one the Founding Fathers specifically made our Constitutional right: Firearms! These feminazi gun-grabbers want nothing more than to turn this country into a buncha gee-dee eunuchs.

And now that technology has finally caught up with the miracle that is the penis, so that a man can instantly deliver an image of his penis to any recipient he wishes — as the lord intended, praise Jesus — people are trying to take away our first amendment right to do so. Well, bullshit! That’s an infringement of my first amendment rights!

But I’m warning you people: We have to stay vigilant if we want to keep American the land of the dicks. Otherwise, we’re gonna turn into a buncha pussies.

Writer, Kansan, wife, mom, essayist, journalist, reproductive rights activist, Jayhawk, dork. Support me on Patreon! amberfraley. com @KSAbortionFund

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