Working With My Mental Illness
Instead of against it
Like most people, I had great expectations for myself when I was young, expectations that never panned out. Mostly that was because it was difficult for me to stay at jobs for very long.
Jobs where I was bored made me want to kill myself. (Literally.) Jobs that kept my mind occupied often came along with personalities and office politics I just couldn’t stand. Some people thrive in those environments. Most people are able to at least tolerate it, because that’s what functioning adults do.
Alas, I am a barely functioning adult. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve learned to tolerate certain things I didn’t used to be able to. Other things I refuse to deal with anymore.
It took me many, many years to finally figure out, but because of my CPTSD, it’s difficult for me to work long-term in an office setting, especially if it’s a particularly toxic and political office. I can’t take that kind of bullshit drama anymore. I grew up in that kind of manipulating, toxic home, and I’ve had my fill of it.
If that sounds arrogant, trust me, I hate it. Out of a million things I’d like to change about myself, that one is at the top of the list. I don’t think I’m above other people and therefore don’t have to work with them. On the contrary, I would love to have the ability to…
